True to his word, the lone constable of Arbor Woods arrived at the Van Buren home in two minutes. The front door eased open as he knocked on it. He let himself in, Bulldog Armstrong in tow.
“Don’t you lock your doors?” Phil asked. “Of course,” he answered himself, “we usually don’t have a need to in this town.”
“I’m so glad you’re here, Phil,” Maria said, glancing at Bulldog. “I can’t believe what’s happened. Some crazy man has taken Martin and Adriana. He said they were going to do medical experiments on them or something.”
“Medical experiments?” Bulldog asked. “That’s different.” The idea of vampires using humans as lab rats was a new one to him.
“Different from what?” Maria inquired.
Phil felt the need to stop the line of conversation there. “Maria, this is...” he paused, wondering if he should reinstate Bulldog to his former position. “This is Agent Armstrong. He’s going to help me find Martin.”
Maria began to appear frantic. “I’ve never known you to need outside help before, Phil. Is there something going on that I should know about?”
Phil didn’t really know what to tell her. Just the day before he had arrested Bulldog, thinking he was a deranged bum with poor driving skills. Now he realized that Bulldog was telling the truth about having been a special agent who hunts down vampires gone wrong. Phil understood that Maria knew that vampires existed, having mated with one. Even that experience, though, did not prepare her for having her only child kidnapped by a psychopathic blood sucking mad scientist.
“Well, this whole vampire thing, uh, you know,” Phil stammered, “Agent Armstrong happened to be in town, so, uh, he kindly offered his help, and I’m going to make use of it.”
Maria stood close to Phil and put a hand on his face. “Phillip, I’ve never seen you this nervous before.”
Desiring greatly to change the subject, he asked how many people were witnesses to what happened.
“We all were, James and I, Archie and Molly,” Maria responded.
Bulldog’s ears perked up when he heard the name of the woman who had been thwarting him so successfully. “Did you say ‘Molly’? Young, perky blonde lady?”
“That would be her,” Archie said. “She’s my girlfriend. How do you know her?”
“She’s hardly your girlfriend, Archie.” Maria said. “You two barely know each other.”
Bulldog gave a quizzical look to Archie, then asked where Molly was.
“She was just here a minute ago,” Maria said.
“She’s gone. Must have sensed I was on my way,” Bulldog said, assuming he was the center of Molly’s universe.
“You said there were two of these vampires that made off with Martin?” Phil asked of no one in particular.
“A large man and a woman,” James said.
“Her name is Augusta Potocki,” Archie said. “She used to be my girlfriend, but I dumped her when I met Molly.”
“Archie,” Maria asked, “is it possible for you to stop being full of shit for a few minutes? My son is in danger.”
Archie looked sheepish. “Sorry.”
“Did they give any clues as to where this lab is that they were taking Martin to?” Phil asked.
“The woman said something about following the sulphur,” James said.
“That makes sense,” Bulldog said. “When vampires exert themselves, when they do something incredibly strenuous, they give off a sulphuric odor. If it’s still lingering in the air, we may be able to follow it and track them down.”
Just then, there was a thumping noise at the front door. Phil opened it, peered into the night. Looking down, he noticed a package wrapped in newspaper. Not thinking that it might be explosive, he picked it up, brought it into the living room and plopped it down on the coffee table. Everyone assembled around the table and stared at the package.
“Should we open it?” Maria asked.
“I think we should,” James said. “It kind of smells a bit.”
“Okay,” Phil said as he bent over and gingerly unwrapped the newspaper.
“Eeeuuuwwww,” Maria and James said simultaneously.
On the table, lying on a bed of old newspaper, was a dead squirrel with a slice of pizza wrapped around its body.
Archie’s eyes narrowed in confusion as he stared at the strange assemblage on the table. “What the hell is that? Is it supposed to mean something? Is it some sort of sign?”
“It looks like the kind of pizza we were having for dinner,” James said. “Didn’t Martin have a slice in his shirt pocket when he got taken?”
Phil looked at Maria with a mix of confusion and disgust. “Your son puts pizza slices in his pocket?”
With a sense of resignation about Martin’s eating habits, Maria shrugged. “Yeah, he’s like that. He was probably just saving it for later.”
“You know what I think this means,” Bulldog said.
Everyone looked at him blankly.
“It means Martin sleeps with the squirrels.”
“Don’t you lock your doors?” Phil asked. “Of course,” he answered himself, “we usually don’t have a need to in this town.”
“I’m so glad you’re here, Phil,” Maria said, glancing at Bulldog. “I can’t believe what’s happened. Some crazy man has taken Martin and Adriana. He said they were going to do medical experiments on them or something.”
“Medical experiments?” Bulldog asked. “That’s different.” The idea of vampires using humans as lab rats was a new one to him.
“Different from what?” Maria inquired.
Phil felt the need to stop the line of conversation there. “Maria, this is...” he paused, wondering if he should reinstate Bulldog to his former position. “This is Agent Armstrong. He’s going to help me find Martin.”
Maria began to appear frantic. “I’ve never known you to need outside help before, Phil. Is there something going on that I should know about?”
Phil didn’t really know what to tell her. Just the day before he had arrested Bulldog, thinking he was a deranged bum with poor driving skills. Now he realized that Bulldog was telling the truth about having been a special agent who hunts down vampires gone wrong. Phil understood that Maria knew that vampires existed, having mated with one. Even that experience, though, did not prepare her for having her only child kidnapped by a psychopathic blood sucking mad scientist.
“Well, this whole vampire thing, uh, you know,” Phil stammered, “Agent Armstrong happened to be in town, so, uh, he kindly offered his help, and I’m going to make use of it.”
Maria stood close to Phil and put a hand on his face. “Phillip, I’ve never seen you this nervous before.”
Desiring greatly to change the subject, he asked how many people were witnesses to what happened.
“We all were, James and I, Archie and Molly,” Maria responded.
Bulldog’s ears perked up when he heard the name of the woman who had been thwarting him so successfully. “Did you say ‘Molly’? Young, perky blonde lady?”
“That would be her,” Archie said. “She’s my girlfriend. How do you know her?”
“She’s hardly your girlfriend, Archie.” Maria said. “You two barely know each other.”
Bulldog gave a quizzical look to Archie, then asked where Molly was.
“She was just here a minute ago,” Maria said.
“She’s gone. Must have sensed I was on my way,” Bulldog said, assuming he was the center of Molly’s universe.
“You said there were two of these vampires that made off with Martin?” Phil asked of no one in particular.
“A large man and a woman,” James said.
“Her name is Augusta Potocki,” Archie said. “She used to be my girlfriend, but I dumped her when I met Molly.”
“Archie,” Maria asked, “is it possible for you to stop being full of shit for a few minutes? My son is in danger.”
Archie looked sheepish. “Sorry.”
“Did they give any clues as to where this lab is that they were taking Martin to?” Phil asked.
“The woman said something about following the sulphur,” James said.
“That makes sense,” Bulldog said. “When vampires exert themselves, when they do something incredibly strenuous, they give off a sulphuric odor. If it’s still lingering in the air, we may be able to follow it and track them down.”
Just then, there was a thumping noise at the front door. Phil opened it, peered into the night. Looking down, he noticed a package wrapped in newspaper. Not thinking that it might be explosive, he picked it up, brought it into the living room and plopped it down on the coffee table. Everyone assembled around the table and stared at the package.
“Should we open it?” Maria asked.
“I think we should,” James said. “It kind of smells a bit.”
“Okay,” Phil said as he bent over and gingerly unwrapped the newspaper.
“Eeeuuuwwww,” Maria and James said simultaneously.
On the table, lying on a bed of old newspaper, was a dead squirrel with a slice of pizza wrapped around its body.
Archie’s eyes narrowed in confusion as he stared at the strange assemblage on the table. “What the hell is that? Is it supposed to mean something? Is it some sort of sign?”
“It looks like the kind of pizza we were having for dinner,” James said. “Didn’t Martin have a slice in his shirt pocket when he got taken?”
Phil looked at Maria with a mix of confusion and disgust. “Your son puts pizza slices in his pocket?”
With a sense of resignation about Martin’s eating habits, Maria shrugged. “Yeah, he’s like that. He was probably just saving it for later.”
“You know what I think this means,” Bulldog said.
Everyone looked at him blankly.
“It means Martin sleeps with the squirrels.”
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