Lights slowly came back to life in the Van Buren home, revealing two new guests. In the middle of the living room was Lazarus Gorey. Augusta stood by his side, wrinkling her nose at the odors of stale pizza, spilled wine and the devilish sulphur odor that Lazarus exuded whenever he traveled at lightning speed.
Maria turned to face him, blinked, then asked, “Who the hell are you and how did you get into my home?”
With a smug grin on his face, Lazarus began to walk slowly around the room. He meant not only to impress, but to instill fear. “You mortals, you normal, everyday people could never understand the powers I have. With ease, I appeared in a sealed room as if out of thin air.”
“The front door was unlocked,” Augusta chimed in, nodding, “but all that stuff he said, powers, thin air, all that is true enough.”
“Lazarus, what the hell is going on?” Archie asked. He looked at Augusta. “Why did you bring this fat creep here?”
The grin left his face as Lazarus gave Archie the same look he would give dog crap on his shoe. “Oh, you again. You seem to be turning up a lot lately. Tell me, why is it you just don’t fade away and die?”
“I was just wondering the same thing about you,” Archie replied.
“Boys, boys,” Augusta said, “no bickering. We don’t have time for that, do we Lazarus?”
“No, no, you’re right, my love, we don’t,” Lazarus answered. He looked at her with admiration. “You’re always right.”
“Would someone tell me what is going on?” Maria asked.
“Certainly, Ms. Van Buren,” Lazarus answered in his best insincerely polite tone. “I’m here for your son and his girlfriend...”
“We’re just friends,” Adriana interrupted, “none of that romance stuff here.”
“Whatever,” Lazarus continued. “As I was saying, I’m here for Martin and Adriana.”
“Why would you want us?” Adriana asked. “Me, I can understand, I mean, look at me, I don’t mean to brag, but I’m dazzling tonight, but why Martin?”
Lazarus eyed Adriana as if she were a little crazy. “Well, if you must know, I’m going to take you two, run some tests, and if things turn out as I hope, I will be able to create two amazing, revolutionary and, dare I say, lucrative products based upon Martin’s blood composition. For those that are already vampires and no longer wish to be so, there will be a vaccine, an antidote really, that reverses vampirism. The other product will be an inoculation which could be given to children all over the world to protect them from ever turning into a vampire should the misfortune of being bitten by one of those horrible monsters of the night befall them.”
The big man paused while a smile slowly crossed his lips. “Of course, these creations of mine will be all the more valuable after I’ve caused worldwide panic by releasing the hordes of vampires in my employ and allowing them to wreak havoc. It will be then that I gouge the governments of the world by selling them the vaccine and the preventive inoculation. I’ll earn billions, have an immeasurable amount of control on politicians everywhere. Perhaps I’ll become president myself, then maybe even take over the world. Granted, that all sounds like a wonderful dream as it’s still early in the game, but to be honest, world domination is my ultimate goal.”
“Uh-huh,” Martin croaked. Fear and anxiety growing within him, he still managed to find his voice. “Why on earth do you think my blood is an anti-vampire vaccine, or whatever you think it is?”
“Well, word is that this blood sucking young lady here,” Lazarus gestured toward Adriana, “put the fangs into you and you didn’t turn, or if you did, it wasn’t for long. For some reason, your physical chemistry was resistant. I’d like to find out why.” Now he stared at Martin. “The ability of a human to resist vampirism is more than rare, it’s unheard of. You are not merely an anomaly, you are unique. Not only were you able to resist but the young miss showed symptoms of reversal, so much so that she lost her taste for blood. Terrible thing that, blood is so delicious.”
“You seem to know an awful lot about me,” Adriana said to Lazarus.
“Yes, well I do keep well informed. One of the reasons people such as myself are successful is because they have quick access to vast amounts of information that would normally be considered private.”
“Must have been that damn doctor,” Adriana said. “Shit, I thought we could trust him.”
Martin adjusted his throat. “What if, just for the sake of argument, I don’t want to have any tests run on me?”
In one swift motion, the big vampire grabbed Martin by his shoulders and raised him in the air until they were eye to eye. “You don’t have a choice, little man. You’re going to do just exactly what I tell you, and that’s that.”
“Okey-dokey,” Martin said as Lazarus placed him back on the couch.
Maria had gone from being tearful and guilt-ridden to being angry in a matter of minutes. “What makes you think I’m going to let you walk out of here with my son just like that?”
Lazarus chuckled. “Of course, Ms. Van Buren, I plan to compensate you for the use and possible loss of your son. Would a herd of goats be acceptable? They’re all the rage now. You’ve got a lot of yard to take care of and goats are the most environmentally friendly way to mow your lawn.”
“You must be joking.”
“Yes, I am joking,” Lazarus laughed. “I won’t be compensating you at all. Augusta, I think we should be going now. Let us take our two guinea pigs and be off.”
Everyone was standing now as James spoke. “You realize there are more of us than there are of you. Despite your obvious physical strength, the numbers are not on your side.”
Lazarus leveled an icy stare at James. “Young man, if you were paying attention a few minutes ago, you may have noticed that I had an undue influence on the atmospheric conditions. Yes, that was me, I’m the one who made it storm, a terrible, windy, lightning filled storm to suit my mood, and you think a room full of puny mortals can stop me from doing anything?”
“You do bring up a good point, about the whole storm thing and all. I have to admit, that was pretty impressive.”
“Thank you. Now Martin and Adriana, if you would be so kind as to come with me.”
“Are we taking them back to headquarters?” Augusta asked.
“No, I want to work on them personally. I have a safe house in town with a small lab. It’ll be more private, more secure.”
“A safe house?” Archie sneered. “Who do you think you are, the C.I.A.?”
“Hey,” Lazarus shot back, “if they can have safe houses, why can’t I?”
“Honey,” Augusta said, “how do you plan to get them there?”
“Huh. I hadn’t thought of that.” Lazarus had run, almost lifting off and flying, through the storm at incredible speed, Augusta hanging on to him for dear life, as she hadn’t yet mastered the vampiric art of super-rapid movement.
“Well, I could cloud then control their minds and have them come to the safe house on their own.”
“Why didn’t you do that in the first place?” Adriana asked. “Wouldn’t that have been easier than coming here all in a huff? I mean, come on, man, you’re a master of the underworld, you should have made us do your bidding.”
“I hadn’t thought of that either.”
Archie snorted. “How are you going to dominate the planet with piss poor planning like this?”
“Shut up.” Lazarus shut his eyes and thought for a moment. When he opened them again, his face grew slack and he spoke to Maria in a voice as a sweet as honey. “Ms. Van Buren, do you have a car I might borrow? I’ll return it as soon as possible.”
Maria was incredulous. “First, you want to use my son as a science project and now you want to take my car as well.” She shook her head. “That just takes the cake.”
“There’s cake?” Martin asked. Adriana put her hand on his arm and said, “No, sweetie, there’s no cake.”
Throughout this conversation, indeed, ever since Lazarus had arrived with Augusta, Molly had been wondering if it would be possible to kill them both. Now, as Lazarus was figuring out how to transport his future lab rats, Molly’s eyes glazed over as she got a dreamy look on her face. She decided to at least try to kill Lazarus. He was the most powerful blood sucking creature she had come across and it would be a great honor to take his life.
How could she do it though? Maria’s vampire killer lay unloaded and worthless on the coffee table. Her own gun was nestled in her purse, sitting on the floor beside the couch. She had to create some sort of distraction to get her hands on it.
“Oh!” Molly cried as she put a hand to her forehead. “I do believe I have the vapors.” She fell backward on to the couch.
“The vapors?” Lazarus asked. “Who gets the vapors? This isn’t a Victorian novel.”
Archie leaned over his date. “Molly, honey, are you okay? Can I get you some water or something?”
“Can you hand me my purse, Archie?” Molly asked in a feeble tone.
Quickly realizing what was on her mind, he said quietly, “I don’t think that would be a good idea, dear.”
Molly whispered through gritted teeth, “Hand me my fucking purse, old man.”
Archie held her arms firmly. “I don’t think I can it reach it dear,” he told her. “Try taking some deep breaths, then maybe you’ll be able to think more clearly, sweetheart.”
Before anyone else could move, Augusta was by the side of the couch, Molly’s purse in hand. Digging into it, she pulled out the weapon Molly was hoping to use.
“This would have been a very foolish thing to do,” she told Molly in a quiet, stern tone. “It would have been very bad for everyone here, including me.”
“So,” Lazarus said, “the little girl wanted to take a shot at me?” Once more, he began to walk slowly around the room. “Do you know how many people have tried to kill me over the centuries? No? Well, neither do I. Too many to count. Here am I though. Every one fails while I keep succeeding.”
The lights began to dim again. Outside, the wind began to whistle through the trees. Thunder rumbled in the distance. Once more, Lazarus Gorey was pissed off.
He clenched his fists and flailed his arms. “I’m trying to do something monumental here and you people think you can interfere with me. Try fighting me and you are fighting God and the Devil all wrapped up in one package.” To match his physical presence and his vocal bombast, Lazarus had an outsize ego as well. “Well, the hell with you all! I always get what I want and now I’m taking it.”
The house went dark. The noise in the living room was like a freight train roaring down the tracks. The smell of sulphur returned, stronger than before. Then the noise stopped and when the lights returned Martin and Adriana were gone.
“Say what you will,” Archie said, “the man knows how to make an exit.”
“My God, Martin!” Maria cried. “He’s gone! How will we find him?”
“Follow the smell of sulphur,” Augusta said. She had remained behind, but now that she had imparted her little bit of information, she ran out the door.
“What the hell is with that sulphur smell?” James inquired.
“It’s like vampire farts,” Archie replied, “or maybe more like the smell of vampire sweat. When we, vampires that is, move that quickly and exert ourselves, we give off a sulphur smell. One of the downsides of being a vampire. That’s why I always use extra-strength deodorant.”
“I see,” said James, wishing he hadn’t asked.
Maria turned to the others. “What do we do now?”
“Call the cops,” Archie said.
“And tell them what? That vampires kidnapped my son and his girlfriend?”
“I really don’t think they’re dating,” James said.
“Why not?” Archie asked.
“Well,” James responded, “I think she’s a little wild for Martin’s tastes.”
“No,” Archie said, “I mean why not call the cops? What’s the worst that could happen?”
“Okay, I’ll try it,” Maria said. She went to the phone in the kitchen and hit the speed dial number for the Arbor Woods Police Department.
Phil Wembley picked up before the first ring finished.
“Phil, this is Maria Van Buren.” She spoke rapidly, without pausing for a breath. “You wouldn’t believe what just happened. Two people kidnapped Martin and his girlfriend, a big guy and a woman, and they both said they were vampires. I kind of believe them too. The guy especially seemed to have supernatural powers. He made it rain, Phil, he made it rain. And his sweat smells like sulphur.” Finally, Maria stopped and took a deep breath. Phil remained silent at the other end of the line. “Please don’t think I’m crazy, Phil. It all sounds crazy, but I saw it happen with my own two eyes.”
“I believe you.”
Maria was incredulous. “You do? Because it all sounds nuts to me.”
“It’s not. I’ll be there in two minutes.”
Maria turned to face him, blinked, then asked, “Who the hell are you and how did you get into my home?”
With a smug grin on his face, Lazarus began to walk slowly around the room. He meant not only to impress, but to instill fear. “You mortals, you normal, everyday people could never understand the powers I have. With ease, I appeared in a sealed room as if out of thin air.”
“The front door was unlocked,” Augusta chimed in, nodding, “but all that stuff he said, powers, thin air, all that is true enough.”
“Lazarus, what the hell is going on?” Archie asked. He looked at Augusta. “Why did you bring this fat creep here?”
The grin left his face as Lazarus gave Archie the same look he would give dog crap on his shoe. “Oh, you again. You seem to be turning up a lot lately. Tell me, why is it you just don’t fade away and die?”
“I was just wondering the same thing about you,” Archie replied.
“Boys, boys,” Augusta said, “no bickering. We don’t have time for that, do we Lazarus?”
“No, no, you’re right, my love, we don’t,” Lazarus answered. He looked at her with admiration. “You’re always right.”
“Would someone tell me what is going on?” Maria asked.
“Certainly, Ms. Van Buren,” Lazarus answered in his best insincerely polite tone. “I’m here for your son and his girlfriend...”
“We’re just friends,” Adriana interrupted, “none of that romance stuff here.”
“Whatever,” Lazarus continued. “As I was saying, I’m here for Martin and Adriana.”
“Why would you want us?” Adriana asked. “Me, I can understand, I mean, look at me, I don’t mean to brag, but I’m dazzling tonight, but why Martin?”
Lazarus eyed Adriana as if she were a little crazy. “Well, if you must know, I’m going to take you two, run some tests, and if things turn out as I hope, I will be able to create two amazing, revolutionary and, dare I say, lucrative products based upon Martin’s blood composition. For those that are already vampires and no longer wish to be so, there will be a vaccine, an antidote really, that reverses vampirism. The other product will be an inoculation which could be given to children all over the world to protect them from ever turning into a vampire should the misfortune of being bitten by one of those horrible monsters of the night befall them.”
The big man paused while a smile slowly crossed his lips. “Of course, these creations of mine will be all the more valuable after I’ve caused worldwide panic by releasing the hordes of vampires in my employ and allowing them to wreak havoc. It will be then that I gouge the governments of the world by selling them the vaccine and the preventive inoculation. I’ll earn billions, have an immeasurable amount of control on politicians everywhere. Perhaps I’ll become president myself, then maybe even take over the world. Granted, that all sounds like a wonderful dream as it’s still early in the game, but to be honest, world domination is my ultimate goal.”
“Uh-huh,” Martin croaked. Fear and anxiety growing within him, he still managed to find his voice. “Why on earth do you think my blood is an anti-vampire vaccine, or whatever you think it is?”
“Well, word is that this blood sucking young lady here,” Lazarus gestured toward Adriana, “put the fangs into you and you didn’t turn, or if you did, it wasn’t for long. For some reason, your physical chemistry was resistant. I’d like to find out why.” Now he stared at Martin. “The ability of a human to resist vampirism is more than rare, it’s unheard of. You are not merely an anomaly, you are unique. Not only were you able to resist but the young miss showed symptoms of reversal, so much so that she lost her taste for blood. Terrible thing that, blood is so delicious.”
“You seem to know an awful lot about me,” Adriana said to Lazarus.
“Yes, well I do keep well informed. One of the reasons people such as myself are successful is because they have quick access to vast amounts of information that would normally be considered private.”
“Must have been that damn doctor,” Adriana said. “Shit, I thought we could trust him.”
Martin adjusted his throat. “What if, just for the sake of argument, I don’t want to have any tests run on me?”
In one swift motion, the big vampire grabbed Martin by his shoulders and raised him in the air until they were eye to eye. “You don’t have a choice, little man. You’re going to do just exactly what I tell you, and that’s that.”
“Okey-dokey,” Martin said as Lazarus placed him back on the couch.
Maria had gone from being tearful and guilt-ridden to being angry in a matter of minutes. “What makes you think I’m going to let you walk out of here with my son just like that?”
Lazarus chuckled. “Of course, Ms. Van Buren, I plan to compensate you for the use and possible loss of your son. Would a herd of goats be acceptable? They’re all the rage now. You’ve got a lot of yard to take care of and goats are the most environmentally friendly way to mow your lawn.”
“You must be joking.”
“Yes, I am joking,” Lazarus laughed. “I won’t be compensating you at all. Augusta, I think we should be going now. Let us take our two guinea pigs and be off.”
Everyone was standing now as James spoke. “You realize there are more of us than there are of you. Despite your obvious physical strength, the numbers are not on your side.”
Lazarus leveled an icy stare at James. “Young man, if you were paying attention a few minutes ago, you may have noticed that I had an undue influence on the atmospheric conditions. Yes, that was me, I’m the one who made it storm, a terrible, windy, lightning filled storm to suit my mood, and you think a room full of puny mortals can stop me from doing anything?”
“You do bring up a good point, about the whole storm thing and all. I have to admit, that was pretty impressive.”
“Thank you. Now Martin and Adriana, if you would be so kind as to come with me.”
“Are we taking them back to headquarters?” Augusta asked.
“No, I want to work on them personally. I have a safe house in town with a small lab. It’ll be more private, more secure.”
“A safe house?” Archie sneered. “Who do you think you are, the C.I.A.?”
“Hey,” Lazarus shot back, “if they can have safe houses, why can’t I?”
“Honey,” Augusta said, “how do you plan to get them there?”
“Huh. I hadn’t thought of that.” Lazarus had run, almost lifting off and flying, through the storm at incredible speed, Augusta hanging on to him for dear life, as she hadn’t yet mastered the vampiric art of super-rapid movement.
“Well, I could cloud then control their minds and have them come to the safe house on their own.”
“Why didn’t you do that in the first place?” Adriana asked. “Wouldn’t that have been easier than coming here all in a huff? I mean, come on, man, you’re a master of the underworld, you should have made us do your bidding.”
“I hadn’t thought of that either.”
Archie snorted. “How are you going to dominate the planet with piss poor planning like this?”
“Shut up.” Lazarus shut his eyes and thought for a moment. When he opened them again, his face grew slack and he spoke to Maria in a voice as a sweet as honey. “Ms. Van Buren, do you have a car I might borrow? I’ll return it as soon as possible.”
Maria was incredulous. “First, you want to use my son as a science project and now you want to take my car as well.” She shook her head. “That just takes the cake.”
“There’s cake?” Martin asked. Adriana put her hand on his arm and said, “No, sweetie, there’s no cake.”
Throughout this conversation, indeed, ever since Lazarus had arrived with Augusta, Molly had been wondering if it would be possible to kill them both. Now, as Lazarus was figuring out how to transport his future lab rats, Molly’s eyes glazed over as she got a dreamy look on her face. She decided to at least try to kill Lazarus. He was the most powerful blood sucking creature she had come across and it would be a great honor to take his life.
How could she do it though? Maria’s vampire killer lay unloaded and worthless on the coffee table. Her own gun was nestled in her purse, sitting on the floor beside the couch. She had to create some sort of distraction to get her hands on it.
“Oh!” Molly cried as she put a hand to her forehead. “I do believe I have the vapors.” She fell backward on to the couch.
“The vapors?” Lazarus asked. “Who gets the vapors? This isn’t a Victorian novel.”
Archie leaned over his date. “Molly, honey, are you okay? Can I get you some water or something?”
“Can you hand me my purse, Archie?” Molly asked in a feeble tone.
Quickly realizing what was on her mind, he said quietly, “I don’t think that would be a good idea, dear.”
Molly whispered through gritted teeth, “Hand me my fucking purse, old man.”
Archie held her arms firmly. “I don’t think I can it reach it dear,” he told her. “Try taking some deep breaths, then maybe you’ll be able to think more clearly, sweetheart.”
Before anyone else could move, Augusta was by the side of the couch, Molly’s purse in hand. Digging into it, she pulled out the weapon Molly was hoping to use.
“This would have been a very foolish thing to do,” she told Molly in a quiet, stern tone. “It would have been very bad for everyone here, including me.”
“So,” Lazarus said, “the little girl wanted to take a shot at me?” Once more, he began to walk slowly around the room. “Do you know how many people have tried to kill me over the centuries? No? Well, neither do I. Too many to count. Here am I though. Every one fails while I keep succeeding.”
The lights began to dim again. Outside, the wind began to whistle through the trees. Thunder rumbled in the distance. Once more, Lazarus Gorey was pissed off.
He clenched his fists and flailed his arms. “I’m trying to do something monumental here and you people think you can interfere with me. Try fighting me and you are fighting God and the Devil all wrapped up in one package.” To match his physical presence and his vocal bombast, Lazarus had an outsize ego as well. “Well, the hell with you all! I always get what I want and now I’m taking it.”
The house went dark. The noise in the living room was like a freight train roaring down the tracks. The smell of sulphur returned, stronger than before. Then the noise stopped and when the lights returned Martin and Adriana were gone.
“Say what you will,” Archie said, “the man knows how to make an exit.”
“My God, Martin!” Maria cried. “He’s gone! How will we find him?”
“Follow the smell of sulphur,” Augusta said. She had remained behind, but now that she had imparted her little bit of information, she ran out the door.
“What the hell is with that sulphur smell?” James inquired.
“It’s like vampire farts,” Archie replied, “or maybe more like the smell of vampire sweat. When we, vampires that is, move that quickly and exert ourselves, we give off a sulphur smell. One of the downsides of being a vampire. That’s why I always use extra-strength deodorant.”
“I see,” said James, wishing he hadn’t asked.
Maria turned to the others. “What do we do now?”
“Call the cops,” Archie said.
“And tell them what? That vampires kidnapped my son and his girlfriend?”
“I really don’t think they’re dating,” James said.
“Why not?” Archie asked.
“Well,” James responded, “I think she’s a little wild for Martin’s tastes.”
“No,” Archie said, “I mean why not call the cops? What’s the worst that could happen?”
“Okay, I’ll try it,” Maria said. She went to the phone in the kitchen and hit the speed dial number for the Arbor Woods Police Department.
Phil Wembley picked up before the first ring finished.
“Phil, this is Maria Van Buren.” She spoke rapidly, without pausing for a breath. “You wouldn’t believe what just happened. Two people kidnapped Martin and his girlfriend, a big guy and a woman, and they both said they were vampires. I kind of believe them too. The guy especially seemed to have supernatural powers. He made it rain, Phil, he made it rain. And his sweat smells like sulphur.” Finally, Maria stopped and took a deep breath. Phil remained silent at the other end of the line. “Please don’t think I’m crazy, Phil. It all sounds crazy, but I saw it happen with my own two eyes.”
“I believe you.”
Maria was incredulous. “You do? Because it all sounds nuts to me.”
“It’s not. I’ll be there in two minutes.”
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